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Reflections
DR. GENE STEVENS
PORTAGEVILLE, MO.
This article is the third in a series on my childhood experiences on our family farm in Tennessee and my work at the University of Missouri and Mississippi State University.
This reflection is about the importance of preserving family relationships. My closest playmates growing up were my brother and my cousins. I will begin by telling a story about one of the many pranks my brother played on me when we were young.
During the winter, it was dark when Dad and my uncle finished milking in the evening. It took about three hours to milk all 135 cows. My brother, Johnny, and I had chores, but we did not stay until the milking was finished on school nights. Johnny was four years older than me and had more responsibilities than I had. When I was little, my first job was to feed milk to the baby calves. I measured cups of powdered milk for each calf and mixed it with water. Then, I poured the milk into big bottles for the calves to drink. As I grew older, I helped with the milking and cleaned the barn.
To get from the dairy barn to our house at night, Johnny and I had to walk by Granny’s house, cross a road, then go down a path beside a field. Granny had several big trees in her yard. The only lights to see where to walk were the stars and the moon.
One night after I fed the calves, I told Dad, “I need to leave now to eat supper and do my homework.” Johnny said that he had more work to do and would come home later. I had never made the long walk home from the barn in the dark by myself. I was really scared!
The part that I dreaded most was walking through Granny’s yard. The crooked post oak trees blocked the moon light and the branches looked like long arms reaching out to get me. I was almost through Granny’s yard and was getting ready to cross the road.
Then I heard a voice from the other side of Granny’s yard. “Hey, little boy, come over here.” I froze in my tracks. It was a quiet night with no wind.
I thought, “Did I really hear a voice or was it just my imagination?” I slowly turned my head, looking in all directions.
Then the voice said again, “Hey, little boy, come over here.” I saw someone in the shadow of a tree but did not know who it was.
I said, “Who are you?!”
Then the voice said, “I am the boogey man and I am going to get you.” My heart was beating out of my chest. I turned and ran in the dark as hard as I could for home. I was lucky that I did not trip and fall. When I reached our house, I darted in the back door and fell on the kitchen floor out of breath. I started explaining to my Mom what had happened. Then Johnny came in laughing.
He admitted, “I was the boogey man that scared you.” I was mad but too tired to hit my mean brother.
I know of adult siblings who do not speak because of hard feelings. In many cases it is because they cannot agree on how to divide property from their parents. No one wins in family strife except maybe the lawyers. My Dad and uncle were partners in the farm started by my grandfather. Fortunately, my mother pushed my dad to develop a plan with my uncle when they were in their early 60’s. They began by studying maps of the farm. They cut the farm into two blocks first by making new lines north to south and then east to west. At the time, state and federal estate taxes were a major concern. Our family farm is in Fayette County, Tennessee, east of Memphis, and is surrounded by subdivisions and a golf course. The land appraises much more for building houses than agricultural use. My dad and uncle hired an estate lawyer to create living trusts to minimize inheritance taxes for us.
Dad took the lead on “dividing the pie”. Black top road frontage and soil drainage were factors. To be sure the halves were even, my uncle got to select which half of the farm he wanted. A willingness to compromise was important. The lawyer suggested they sign an agreement which could be voided by either brother at the one-year anniversary. When the anniversary came, they decided to switch halves which they kept in the final trust.
Although living trusts are usually more expensive to make than wills, they save money in the long term because heirs do not pay for probate costs. Which method works best for you will depend on your circumstance. My dad died with Alzheimer’s disease at age 91. Over time, he became less mentally able to make farming decisions. In hindsight, it was a situation that he should have considered as a possibility in his trust. Fortunately, it did not cause a family strife. Last year, my brother and I went through a similar land division planning process as our dad and uncle. Google Earth and Excel were helpful programs for my brother and me that they did not have.
No one knows how long they will live. Unfortunately, my wife and I both have stage 4 cancer. We have good doctors but are realistic about our urgency to make plans. There are many things that we cannot control but we can do our part to preserve family harmony. Before planning our living trust, we talked with our son and daughter separately and together to get their inputs. We chose a lawyer in Sikeston, Missouri who graduated from the University of Memphis. The Memphis lawyer who did my father’s trust recommended him. They have communicated to be sure the transition of assets will go smoothly to my heirs. For your family’s sake, do not delay making estate plans. Because my wife and I are Christians, God gives us a hope and peace that passes all understanding. ∆
DR. GENE STEVENS: Professor Cropping Systems, Division of Plant Sciences, Fisher Delta Research Center, University of Missouri
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